Frozen in the Past

“People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive.  It is as though they were traveling abroad.”
– Marcel Proust

I received news early this morning that there have been some complications with the operation in UK and the doctors did the best they could but it was already too late.

JRR Tolkein once wrote, “no parent should have to bury their child. “

But what can we do? Life and death is another cycle in which we do not determine the process ourselves.

 I was happy last night. Chatting and joking, yet complaining about how stressed out I was, then Jonathan called.

I didn’t cry. No, i couldn’t.

I frozed, reflected on the past while the MSN orange lights blinked away.

It didn’t feel like he was gone. It felt like he got off the train too early or something. Like we’re on the same train, and it’s speeding. We were talking, i looked away…and when i turned back, he was gone.

And when we’re all still growing up, getting higher educations, finding the significant other and worrying about the future…he’s just there.

Just frozen in the past.

We’ve never said our goodbyes. I didn’t make it to the airport when he and his sister left to UK.

It’s too late to turn back time.

But i know you’re at a better place, watching over us from somewhere far far away.

You will always be there urging me to be optimistic at everything. You made things better when life hit rock-bottom. That is how i will remember you.

Always and forever.

p/s I’m closing comments for this one. Sorry.